When do you know that the relationship is not working out anymore? And when are you sure that its not the midlife crisis that’s saying you don’t like your partner anymore …When does it occur to you that not only you are not made for each other but also cannot stand to live in the same home together that you built.
A friend of mine got divorced about 17 years of marriage-reason incompatibility. It took 17 years to realize that they were not right for each other! Almost a lifetime lost with the wrong (?) person.
Another neighbor fell in love with a co-worker and suddenly the husband was the most boring person on Earth. It took 18 years into the marriage to realize that her husband was too boring for her.
Several years ago when a close couple had parted ways after 10 years of marriage –I couldn’t sleep for nights. Their marriage looked perfect to me. They took holidays together in Europe, engaged in intellectual conversation, golfed together and even played scrabble on the weekends. They did look like they were made for each other. The reason for divorce –incompatibility!
I can understand when the reason for divorce is –physical abuse, infidelity, impotency, drug/alcohol addiction but incompatibility as a reason after 15 years of marriage …very hard to digest.
Yes, the picture is rosy in the first year of marriage –maybe few years into the marriage, but by the third year you should have a clear idea of how your spouse is. If incompatibility is a reason for divorce during the first five years of marriage-then it is a legit reason –but after 15 years –look carefully –it could be a case of mid-life crisis.
The neighbor who fell in love with a co-worker often said that she did not love her husband anymore. Perhaps, she was confusing love with lust. Her new love with the coworker was filled with romance and passion –and she was thoroughly enjoying it. What she is not taking into consideration is that soon the romance and passion will gradually ebb down and maybe the coworker will start to look normal and boring. Just think of the kids who are supposed to go through all the mental issues because mamma dear (in many cases daddy dear) is not able to differentiate between temporary feelings of passion and reality!
Laura Munson wrote on NYT how she handled her husband’s – “I don’t love you anymore” and his desire to seek a divorce. She chose to ignore his statements. She believed it was her husband’s issues with himself that he was finding fault with a marriage that had been unflawed up till now. I thought that was a wonderful way to deal with spousal midlife crisis issues. You must click on the link to read Laura’s personal account on how she saved her marriage.
Most problems in a marriage can be solved. Marriage is always portrayed like a blissful sketch, more like a fantasy. But reality is that a successful marriage needs a lot of work and a lifetime of unceasing improvement.